Infertility is already a stressful and angering experience. I've been noticing lately I've been avoiding saying the word "infertility" and swapping it out for "fertility" or "fertility problems" or "trying to conceive." There is something about labeling ourselves as "Infertile" that really disrupts our sense of being capable powerful women. Adding an "in" to the beginning of a word takes all the power out of us. Think about the words Inflexible, inhospitable, incompatible, in

Do you remember when you first decided to start trying to conceive and it was a sweet little secret between you and your spouse? Or maybe you told just a close friend or two. It was such a big decision to start to try, what if it worked on the first time!? Oh all those innocent thoughts. But after a few months (or years) of failed attempts, you start to swirl into isolation with the disappointment. You don't want anyone to know you have failed another attempt. Did you notice

It happens every 23-30 days. The dreaded period. You worked so hard this month. You ate the right stuff, you reduced your intake of everything fun, you even started drinking some nasty fertility tea and actually had the courage to hope. But when your period came, you felt even more despair than you thought, you'd really tried to keep from getting your hopes up, but there they went, sailing away like a balloon. You may have the inclination to shrug it off. Say "why am I feelin

Unfortunately it wasn’t the first time I heard this story in my office. Melissa reported her IVF had failed. Women going through infertility are the fiercest most tenacious people I’ve met, so naturally she wanted to discuss what was next. She explained the doctor recommended another round, but this time a cheaper version called “mini IVF”. She was floored that this option existed because he hadn’t explained it to her previously. Melissa blamed herself for not asking enough q

When Platitudes Fall Flat You've all heard a platitude. They are words that are intended to be helpful, but do not usually help. (The work platitude comes from a french root of plat - meaning flat!) So no wonder it falls flat. If you're going through infertility or any hard time in life, here's a few I bet you've heard: Everything happens for a reason It was God's plan Time heals all wounds Good things come to those who wait What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger These

Learning to take care of yourself while trying to conceive will lay the groundwork for taking care of yourself when you're finally a par

A Diet Hack for Fertility I'm not usually one for diet hacks of any kind, but when I read this blogpost from Creating a Family I knew I had to share it. So often when women have trouble conceiving they start investigating all the things they shouldn't do - don't drink alcohol, don't over exercise, don't stay up too late, don't google all of your symptoms, all of this don'ting feels like deprivation. Finally we have some research-backed information on something to add to your

Do What Works You're here again. At that milestone that was once way out into the future when you thought for sure you'd be pregnant. Maybe it's a significant birthday or the day after a friend's wedding. Maybe your best friend has had 2 children all during the time you've been trying to conceive. You're frustrated that you've done everything you can to get to where you want to be and you feel like you've been standing still for months, or even years. Women who are trying to

Coping with Infertility as a Stepparent Creating a family certainly doesn't always go the way people expect it will. Some people are lucky to find each other a little later in life and there are a lot of benefits of that - knowing yourselves better, having careers, being more grown up! And sometimes relationships bring with them step children. Anyone who has had this experience knows there are pros and cons. And that is definitely the case when it comes to infertility. Often

Envisioning Fertility Success Like a good Ashevillian I was mountain biking this weekend. I’m newish to the sport and was becoming aware of the process of my mind looking for hazards and trying to avoid them. I started to notice that sometimes when I saw a rock I’d like to avoid, I ended up hitting it directly. So I started trying instead to look at the path I wanted to take. Focusing intently on the clear path in front of me as a opposed to the obstacle I didn’t want to get

Tired of Driving to the Fertility Clinic There are roughly 1,028 fertility clinics in the United States. That’s great news if you live in a city with one. But for residents of certain cities or states, you’re probably driving an hour or two to the closest center for your treatment. Deciding to move on from your gynecologist to a reproductive endocrinologist is daunting on it’s own. You must make more time for appointments, scheduling tests, recovery, and potentially ultrasoun

When To Switch From Your Gynecologist to a Fertility Clinic When women begin thinking about starting a family, it is exciting and scary at first. They might go to their gynecologist for a check up and make sure everything is good to go. The gynecologist gives the greenlight and says come back in six months (if you’re over 35) or a year (if you’re under 35). However, these are rough estimates. If you feel like something is wrong, you can request more in depth testing to see wh

Infertility is Officially a Disease I was excited to read this article last week that reports the American Medical Association supporting the World Health Organization designation of infertility as a disease. Okay, excited is a strong word, but let me explain. One of the biggest complaints I hear from my counseling clients with infertility is how lonely it is. Because major medical establishments have declared it a disease, there may be impact on how infertility is seen by ou

Insurance Coverage for Infertility Expanded in New Jersey On May 1, 2017, the New Jersey Governor Chris Christie signed a law that improves and expands infertility coverage. This is exciting news because of the inclusivity it offers. The highlights are: Women with same sex partners and women without partners can now qualify for infertility coverage. The law adopts a medical definition of infertility - “a disease or condition that results in the abnormal function of the reprod

Infertility Awareness Week - Zoom Out, There's More to Life Than Trying To Conceive It's Infertility Awareness week again, and this post is for all of you who have been all too well aware of infertility in the past months or years. Let's take this Awareness Week to have a different take on TTC. Having a baby means everything. You want it more than you’ve wanted anything and you’re willing to do anything to have one. But when you’re working to get something you want, your view

Your Sleep is Affecting Your Fertility Recently, an article in Current Sleep Medicine Reports was published citing research that sleep and fertility are closely related. Specifically the authors find: Disrupted sleep can disrupt hormone secretion and affect ovulation. Poor sleep may result in insulin resistance and glucose intolerance potentially contributing to infertility and early pregnancy loss, particularly among women with PCOS. Disturbed or inadequate sleep may produce

Just Relax! Your Best Friend’s Famous Last Words You’ve heard it everywhere. Sometimes the unsolicited advice is also accompanied by a story of someone’s friend/cousin/coworker who quit trying to conceive/went on a trip to Maui/decided to adopt and boom she got pregnant. How is this supposed to be helpful? If you’re like any other woman I see in my counseling practice, it just makes you want to murder them. Part of you knows she’s right, but the other part of you is so angry

Surviving The Two Week Wait You’ve done everything you can do for this cycle. The day of ovulation or the embryo transfer has passed, and there’s nothing to do but wait. You’ll wait around fourteen unbearable days to see if all of your meticulous efforts have paid off. You’re distracted, wondering if every little symptom might be a sign that you’re pregnant. You may even take a pregnancy test too early, just in case. If you’re going to take a pregnancy test early, you’re like

Secondary Infertility Every Saturday I take my three year old to her soccer game and see dozens of happy parents. I don’t know what kind of struggle it took to get them all there, to this place of parenthood, but finally, as much-wanted babies grow into three and four year olds and begin soccer practice and attending preschool, the field has leveled. What I’ve noticed though is often accompanying those happy parents to soccer practice, is the cuddled up infant in a baby carri

How to Tell a Friend with Infertility that You're Pregnant During my struggle with infertility I had three good friends that became even greater friends because of our bond around our inability to get pregnant. We shared everything together and I don’t think I would have gotten through that time very well without them. However, I was the first to get pregnant, and thought I must tell them first, tell them immediately, and tell them in person. So I hopped on my bike and rode t