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  • Allison Ramsey, Asheville Fertility Counselor

Do What Works

Trying to conceive

Do What Works

You're here again. At that milestone that was once way out into the future when you thought for sure you'd be pregnant. Maybe it's a significant birthday or the day after a friend's wedding. Maybe your best friend has had 2 children all during the time you've been trying to conceive. You're frustrated that you've done everything you can to get to where you want to be and you feel like you've been standing still for months, or even years.

Women who are trying to conceive are forced to think in the future. In the early stages of TTC I hear of women idealizing maternity leave during the summer or timing maternity leave with a slow period at work. Or maybe they really feel like a Taurus baby would be a good match for their Capricorn tendencies. If TTC becomes difficult, all of this future thinking eventually becomes stressful and disappointing when the baby doesn't arrive.

Focusing on fertility is like walking down a narrowing hallway where it's hard for anything else to fit. When you zoom out and focus on your values, you can get a little bit of breathing space. When you're doing everything you can to TTC, some days there just really isn't anything else you can do. You can choose to do something else for one hour, for one afternoon. Tell the TTC thoughts: "Not now, we'll meet up later I'm busy." That won't change the fact you have a follow up appointment with your reproductive endocrinologist tomorrow or an acupuncture appointment this morning. You'll still do everything you need to do to get to where you want to be. But with awareness and intention you may can get there not feeling like you wasted two years of your life.

What is one thing you've been putting off because of the thought "I might be pregnant by then"? Can you do it anyway? Can you research it and prepare for it anyway? Allowing your mind to release the tight grasp on fertility thoughts can give it what it needs to breathe, grow, and make sense of what it needs. And no matter what happens by that next milestone you will have accomplished something that feels meaningful.

Allison Ramsey is a licensed professional counselor and fertility counseling specialist in the Asheville area. She’s a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, and completed their certificate training in mental health counseling for infertility. Contact her to start feeling better.

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